For many years, autism was thought to be a predominantly male condition. The diagnostic criteria were developed based on studies largely focused on boys, leaving countless women and girls undiagnosed or misdiagnosed. One of the key reasons for this disparity is a phenomenon known as masking—a coping mechanism many autistic women and girls develop to blend into neurotypical society.
Some autistic women mask without even realizing they’re doing it, often assuming that their struggles are just ‘normal’ difficulties that everyone faces. It’s only after diagnosis that they reflect and recognize how much effort they’ve put into hiding their true selves.
Masking is not exclusive to women and some autistic men also mask but will have a more typically female presentation. While masking can help individuals navigate social situations, it often comes at a significant emotional and psychological cost.
What Is Masking?
Masking, also called Camouflaging, refers to the conscious or unconscious suppression of autistic traits to fit in with societal expectations. It often involves mimicking social behaviors, forcing eye contact, rehearsing conversations, and suppressing natural responses like stimming. For many women, masking starts in childhood, as they observe and copy their neurotypical peers in an effort to avoid bullying or exclusion.
Why Do Women Mask More Than Men?
- Societal Expectations: Girls are often socialised from a young age to be more empathetic, polite, and socially engaged. This pressure to conform can make autistic traits less noticeable or encourage autistic girls to work harder at hiding them.
- Different Presentation of Autism: Whilst many autistic boys may exhibit more externalised behaviours, such as hyperactivity or repetitive actions, girls often display more internalised symptoms like anxiety, perfectionism, and social mimicry.
- Late Diagnosis or Misdiagnosis: Many women go undiagnosed or are misdiagnosed with conditions like anxiety, depression, borderline personality disorder, or even ADHD. This is partly because their autistic traits don’t fit the ‘classic’ presentation described in medical literature.
Spotting the Signs of Autism Masking in Women
Autism masking in women can manifest in several ways, often making it harder to recognise their autism. Here are some common ways it appears:
1. Social Mimicry
- Observing and copying others’ facial expressions, gestures, and speech patterns to fit in.
- Rehearsing conversations or memorising social scripts for different situations.
- Adopting different personas depending on the social setting.
2. Suppressing Stimming
- Stimming (like hand-flapping, rocking, or fidgeting) helps regulate emotions, but many autistic women suppress these behaviours in public.
- Instead, they might develop more ‘socially acceptable’ stims, like playing with jewellery, tapping their fingers, or adjusting clothing.
3. Forcing Eye Contact
- Eye contact can be uncomfortable for many autistic people, but women may train themselves to maintain it despite discomfort.
- They might look between the eyes or at the forehead of the person they’re talking to as a workaround.
4. Overcompensating in Social Situations
- Trying to be extra friendly, empathetic, or humorous to hide social difficulties.
- Over-apologising or over-explaining to avoid misunderstandings.
- Using learned social rules but feeling exhausted from maintaining them.
5. Masking Special Interests
- Hiding deep interests in certain topics if they are seen as “too intense” or “unusual.”
- Shifting interests to more socially acceptable ones, like fashion or music, to fit in.
6. Internalising Emotions
- Instead of expressing frustration outwardly, emotions are often turned inward, leading to anxiety, depression, or meltdowns in private.
- Difficulty recognising and expressing their own needs, leading to people-pleasing behaviour.
7. Struggling with Sensory Overload in Silence
- Overstimulation from sounds, lights, or textures but pretending everything is fine.
- Wearing uncomfortable clothing or enduring certain environments to avoid standing out.
The Cost of Autism Masking for Women
Masking helps autistic women navigate social expectations but it has long-term consequences, including:
- Burnout: Constantly suppressing autistic traits can lead to exhaustion, stress, and even mental health crises.
- Identity Confusion: Many autistic women struggle with understanding their true selves after years of masking.
- Increased Anxiety and Depression: The effort to fit in can lead to severe mental health struggles, particularly when women feel isolated or misunderstood.
- Delayed Diagnosis and Support: Because they appear to be coping well, many women do not receive the help they need until much later in life, if at all.
Supporting Autistic Women
Recognising and validating these experiences can help autistic women to feel safe to unmask and embrace their authentic selves.
- Encourage Self-Awareness and Acceptance: Recognising the signs of autism in women and affirming their experiences can help them to embrace their neurodivergence instead of hiding it.
- Improve Diagnostic Criteria: The medical community must develop better tools that account for the ways autism presents in women. Many autistic women are misdiagnosed with anxiety, depression, OCD, borderline personality disorder, or even ADHD before receiving an autism diagnosis. They may not realise they are autistic until adulthood, after years of struggling without understanding why.
- Promote Authenticity: Creating inclusive spaces where women feel safe to be themselves reduces the need for masking.
- Offer Mental Health Support: Addressing the impact of masking through therapy, peer support, and accommodations can make a significant difference.
Geek Girl
Author of best-selling children’s book series Geek Girl, Holly Smale suspected she was autistic while researching a character. Upon being officially diagnosed at aged 39, she said:
“There was grief – years and years of being told there’s something wrong with me. There was relief, obviously, because I’ve been searching for an answer my whole life. But it took me a while to reach pride, which is where I’m at now.”
Holly says that the decision to go public about her diagnosis wasn’t easy: “The reality is that there is a taboo still.” But she struggled to find examples of famous women who were autistic, and realised opening up herself could really help.
“If I come out as autistic but, more importantly, if Harriet Manners comes out as autistic, then those three and a half million people that read Geek Girl are going to know what it is like to be an autistic girl a little bit better, and for the small proportion of people who read it who are autistic, they’re going to feel like they have someone on their team. They’re not completely alone.”
Get the Right Support
The first step in getting the right support is seeking an official autism diagnosis.
We understand that seeking out services of this nature can feel overwhelming and stressful. With our wealth of knowledge and over 20 years of experience, we are here to provide as much support for you and your family as we can.
Our gold standard NICE compliant private adult autism assessment is undertaken by a multi-disciplinary team comprising a chartered psychologist and a consultant speech and language therapist. All clinicians involved have extensive experience of working with people with social communication differences and diagnosing autism.
Before we agree to undertake a full assessment, individuals are requested to complete a questionnaire providing information about their concerns, presentation and some background information. The information obtained will be used to decide whether there is sufficient evidence to warrant a full assessment.
For more information, visit our sister site – Norfolk Autism Assessment.
